Who Should Pay on the First Date?
This week, I was invited to share my thoughts with the media as a relationship specialist on one of those timeless dating debates: who should pay on a first date?
It’s a topic that never seems to fade – partly because it’s not really about money. It’s about values, effort, and how people want to feel when they’re getting to know someone new.
So, I put the question to my Instagram community to see what people really think.
The Results
The poll results came in fast: 90% said the fella should pay. Only 10% said the person who asked should.
Here’s what surprised me most: of that 90%, half were men – and they were the quickest to respond. Considering most of my followers are women, that feels like proof there are still some genuinely thoughtful guys out there.
What It Really Means
From a therapist’s view, this question goes much deeper than splitting the bill.
When someone offers to pay, it’s rarely about control or tradition. It’s about intention.
It’s the small way someone says, I value your time. I want to make this moment feel special.
Whether that’s the man or the person who initiated the date, what matters most is that both people feel respected and comfortable.
So maybe the real question isn’t who pays — but who makes you feel worth the effort.
Join the Conversation
What do you think?
Do you prefer the traditional approach, or do you think whoever asks should take the lead?
I’d love to hear your thoughts – share your experience in the comments below or message me directly.
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Shelly Dar
Relationship & Wellness Therapist | Shelly Therapy
Leicester & Online | www.shellytherapy.com
Featured in Hello!, The Telegraph, Metro, Gathered & BBC Radio
